Spankchain’s April Fool’s crypto dildo is (sort of) real

Yesterday, crypto-porn payments startup Spankchain announced a new line of hardware wallet-cum-dildos—slated for release June 9 (6/9), but available for pre-order.

The announcement, illustrated by several graphic photos, was surely an elaborate April Fool’s gag. “Can’t steal my wallet when it’s shoved up my ass!” wrote Spankchain advisor Brenna Sparks beneath the original Twitter post.

But was  it a joke? Why, for instance, was there a 39 slide  pitch-deck detailing the cryptodildonics? And who,  exactly, had gone to the effort of developing high-res images of the speculative product? Could there possibly be an anus-facing dildo-wallet in the works? With a winning product-rectum fit?

“We made that deck last year,” explained William Bentley de Vogelaere, Spankchain’s co-founder and design chief. “It was meant to see if producing a wallet dildo would 1) work 2) be economically feasible.” But there were “many hurdles” in development and plans to give the devices to Spankchain’s cam models fell through.

“The hardest part would be coding the front-end up,” de Vogelaere joked. But he acknowledged, at least, that the crypto dildos weren’t fully  off the cards.

And in the meantime? A simple (albeit somewhat angular) KeepKey can be used to much the same effect.